Waldo appearances...

I talked with him yesterday.

I thought about titling this "A Public Discourse" or "This Is Not Vindictive" or "You're Hell in My Handbag: today's relationship disfunction", but...I have chosen the more plain, objective, unassuming approach, "Observable Behavior in Women." If anyone who reads this knows me, I'm going out on a limb, which I don't mind. It can be difficult sometimes though because I'm implicating my feelings, and in a way, being confrontational. Criticism is the chance every writer takes, putting his thoughts in public. This is the fictional story of a man and woman.

Waldo was strikingly attractive chap. I say chap because he wanted to be a Brit. But he was not, and in fact, he was a poor person. Brits are not poor. They are sophisticated, or so he thought. Our fictional protagonist, Waldo, aspired to do something great, and he was learning that greatness is a patient process. It demanded a plan and dab of humility and the fear of God. So, perchance, a plan and greatness formed in the smallest places, with the meagerest of means, and the faintest of hopes. Our hero, Waldo, was a hoper. In the meantime-the process of patience, the tests of character, the choice to believe, the application of fiscal responsibility, and more things, which Waldo's author cannot name here-transpired in the way life often does for those of us carried through it.

Waldo often imagined himself as a boat on life's high seas, and he thought that was an excellent illustration to tell people who asked. Sometimes he was received with a strange look, and other times people thought he had interesting things to say and they enjoyed conversation together. Needless to say, he knew that "The most effective fact in oratory is an unexpected change in the voice." The great historian G.K. Chesterton had tutored him on this. Waldo thought Chesterton was very clever, "a sincere man and in spite of his superficial airs and graces, at root a humble one. And it is always the humble man who talks too much; the proud man watches himself too closely." Waldo deep down wanted to be humble at root too. That is why one day he decided to change his inflection, so to speak, and say, "Why the hell can you not perceive the depth of love?!" The girl was taken aback, but she had a spine and had in the past challenged men to growth herself. 'That is the beauty of companionship,' he thought. 'Aspirations of greatness are seldom alone.' "What are you saying?" the girl said. She visibly was agitated and wanted to avoid discomfort. It is habit of certain personalities to go miles and miles, very silently and uncommunicative to circumvent confrontation. 'I also don't have to walk out on a limb,' he thought. I meet women all the time. They come and go, and there will most likely be another to replace this stick in the mud. I will keep pressing towards my goal. Someday, someone will come along and want to be married. I hope they have some forethought.

But that seems to be a tragedy too,' he thought. An inability to allow ourselves to know each other now, I suppose because we're blind to the present and hoping for something else? It's very American. He lost himself in thought. It seems these things take some effort and incidentally, a desire. What is this "commitment" you're afraid of? Don't you want to know what it is you might want to commit to? Mark my words, I'm not commiting to you. I'm not sure I like you. You can be difficult.

Our hero was still standing, transfixed in thought when the girl slapped him, and said again, "I said, what are you saying?!" "Well, I mean...don't you want to be together and separated than alone and separate?" he stammered. Waldo was a profound thinker but sometimes had difficulty saying what he meant. "What?!" "What I mean is...don't you want to make an effort...and think ahead...and accept the challenge...and surprise of...of love? It's a very redeeming story, see? It is a story. It unfolds and develops. You get to know it...and begin to love it. Um, you should Anna Karenina. Love's even Biblical, a very central theme." "Think about it..." Waldo kept going, "God made people for people, right? And God even wants us to 'fall in love' with Him. ...If it wasn't for His plan, we'd probably all be on our isolated, fornicating roads, walking away from each other. In fact, I've even seen people like that who are married. It's very sad. ...I think they only sort of love each other. The rest of the time they love themselves."

"So are you asking me to think about what love is and maybe take a chance?" "Ah, yes. Yes, I think you should consider it." "With you?" "Yes, I was thinking with me...." "Hmm, I thought you were going to tell me about my behavior?" "...I got sidetracked. I understand you. I don't want you to be rude and run away." "Ok. I like pushing your buttons...." "I know."

This is the anticlimactic end of Waldo's known story. I postulate that he's chasing some goal and will probably become a millionaire. I will attempt to keep tabs on his fictional whereabouts and report other insightful excerpts of his life.